well, while waiting for lin to bathe finish, i shall update my blog.

hmmm this love is sweet!!! all i can, it's the sweetest among all of my relationships.

she's cute, sweet, naughty, playful, 'cruel', lovely and wad more can i ask for???

words can't say out all my feeling for her.

i missing her like crazy, even more than words can say.

i know i got alot of weakness - one of it is jealousy!!! and i know, jealousy can kill a relaionship.

i trying my best to change. i need time. i need time to sort out why am i so easily jealous when i see something i don't wanna see. (lin - you should know wad i mean)

here's a song for her - for my only baby!!!

When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along...

And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever,
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never...
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart (give you my heart)
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow,
Forever has now begun...

Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you..
This I promise you..

Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)
When I hear you call
Without you in my life baby
I just wouldn't be living at all...

And I will take (I will take you in my arms)
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you baby

Just close your eyes Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you Baby

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you...

P.S "Promise me to hold me tightly. don't ever let me go!!! =)

yeah, i am so in love again.

thanks to lin lin. a million thanks to u. i have step out of my old 'alvin'

seriously alot of things happen these few day. to me, it's a test or trial i must use my own strength to cross over.

i need to carry this burden myself. no one out there will be able to help me. only her can.

she promise to be with me if i can't carry this burden and continue this long and sweet journey.

she's known as Song's ger. hahaha i am her lin's boi. =)

through she's undergoing lots of trouble now, i am quite useless, can't help anythin at all.

but for the very least, she promise me to let me carry this burden all alone 1st.

Song<3Lin 4eva. i wan u to be my very last gal. i am tired of finding any more "Miss Left"

all i need now will be your love.

i can't promise u there won't be any quarrel in the relationship but i can promise u that i will keep it to the lowest.

*to lin,
if u ever need a shoulder, always remember my shoulder will always be there.
i won't say the back out and leave u matter anymore so u shouldn't do it too =).
All i need is time. give me the time i need to prove to u my love for you is real.
i wan to create a new future with u alone. not to continue the past which u left from your ex.
i wanna be your lover i wanna be your man. don't wanna just be your frenx only.
i don't have alot... ... but i have enough... ... it's all that matter to us now!!!

'here's a my love for Song's ger-lin',

The loneliness of nights alone
The search for strength to carry on
My every hope has seemed to die
My eyes had no more tears to cry
Then like the sun shines from up above
You surrounded me with your endless love
And all the things I couldn't see
Are now so clear to me

You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do
Every night I pray
On bended knee
That you will always be
My everything

Now all my hopes and all my dreams
Are suddenly reality
You've opened up my heart to feel
A kind of love that's truly real
A guiding light that'll never fade
There's not a thing in life that I would ever trade
For the love you give it won't let go
I hope you'll always know

You're the breath of life in me
The only one that sets me free
And you have made my soul complete for all time
For all time

alright, tonight i will have a very very sweet dream.

it's like I've been carrying this phobia feeling for long enough.

thanks to susu and pong. without u 2, i am very blur and still at square 1.

but most of all, thanks to lin lin. i will keep waiting and waiting.

at least if this time round, i failed again. i don't think i will be having any regrets.

i done wad i can, i try when i fail and i love just who you are.!!! others doesn't matter to me.

Hope this time round Fate and God will be in the same boat with me. no more having trials to test my heart and love.

yup. even through i may fail to win your heart in the very last min. but i won't stop trying until there isn't any more hope for me. when i fail, i will stand up and try again.

well well well,

hope this time round it won't be any more funny trick from God or fate.

i've already taken the 1st move. hope everything will be fine in the end.

hope my effort and sincere won't be waste away.

all i can say to lin " i don't have alot... But i have enough... it's all that matter to me"

let wait and see how my destiny will bring me to where i wanna be.

thanks for everything today. get to know more about u. it's a good feeling for us to start with. yup.

i hope to recover from the battle i lost. give me back my confident. i wan myself to be smiling for her again. that all i wish for.!!!

okay i'm back to blog!!!

well first.... (= I WAN A GF =)

hahaha. i'm so jealous that frenx around me already or just start a relationship, i was like 'come on, why must God be so cruel to me???' well maybe becos of my character, my attitude and the way i treat the gal i like will scare away them. sad!!!

i didn't mean to keep on nagging, but well due to the fact that my background, my philosophy toward relationship makes me to have this naggy character. sorry if my nagging has offended lin lin, cos i mean well in the 1st place, but i didn't know u are upset about it. sorry. it's my fault. and last but not least, thanks for everything =).

well maybe i guess i am fate to be single. "what goes around come around". it may because of my character that's why i can be a good frenx but not a good bf.

okay i admit, i lost another battle again. all hope dashing through the mother of all success - FAILURE. i'm just a no confident guy after all. who will be there to give me confident??? ponding... well i guess none...

i am lost again!!!

sign off.
failure in love life.

I HATE MYSELF. I HATE MY LIFE!!!

i am disappointed with myself and start to look down on myself.

just watched Jesse McCartney's new music video for his single "Just So You Know"

it's like... damn it. it's just almost everything happen to me like this. damn.

I'm Going crazy soon. Stop this feeling. God. Pls!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pts-t0mGEYE

that all for today.

I'm SO STRESS and CONFUSE!!!

while 1st of all. this is a message to my ex.(you know who you are)
well, we are not offically together anymore so pls stop acting as if i still belong to you? so what you are angry or jealous that i am with my frenx than being with u? come on, who's the one who ditch me and left me all alone to recover from what you have done!!! i have given u lots of chance for u to redeem yourself but in the end wad the answer? (i'm sorry i can't change lehx, i don't like to tell anyone where i am going or wad will i be doing!) what the hell is this??? when i am still your bf, u treat me like a piece of shit!!! when i get out of this piece of shit yet u come back and beg for forgiveness. are you trying to prove to everyone that i am so good to be fool around and cheated? i am sick and tired of it. i have already let this feeling fade away. why can't u done that too? it's not that i am so heartless but seriously speaking, i had given u more chance than u deserve. u say u need 1 week 2 week 1 month to change!!! so i given u the chance, in the end everything still the same. still lie to me and still MIA!!! oh forget about it man. i am just a heartless freak!!! since now everyone thought i am a hongster then it's fine with me. i don't give a damn about it. as long as i know who i care as a frenx and who i really wish to be with her can le. i don't need u to pity me and return back to me. so stop asking for patch or wad. i had enough of it.

2nd of all... frankly speaking, i feel that i am a jerk man!!! i am a damn bloody 'bastard' (or busted if u wan). i am a disgrace to all the guys out there. i done something that i shouldn't start it at all in the 1st place!!! pls not SEX!!! i fall into something which many people will thought i am a jerk. haizx i don't wanna talk about it. come on. can someone stop this feeling!!! it's like killing me man!!! God, i surrender, pls stop putting into this kinda test. i can't take it anymore. can u just let me off. this secret is killing me!!! damn!!! someone just blow my head off. i will personally thank you for that. haizx. no mood to continue. shall stop here.

hahaha, well these few day i've been blogging. don't know why i got such a mood to blog. hahaha

well today not bad la, quite fun in BL. cos so many people i knew turn up. all entertain me till happy. hahaha some more i disturb jordan till he cannot take it. he say 'swee, ah hong u wanna play arhx' hahahaha yeah i won this time round. hahahaha too bad. who ask u to play with me 1st hahahaha, well i am so happy la today. knowing more and more about 'secret' hahaha. okay 'secret' going to be dead. if not well by next week, i am so going to 'drag secret' to see doctor le la. hahahahaaha.

well just now i am talking to 6 people at a time man!!! i was like wow today i am so popular arhx? hahahaha well cannot blame la. i am entertaining so many people. hahahah thanks to 'secret' too. belly here tummy there. hahahahaha i laugh till fell off from my chair can. my parents scold me ah siao too. hahahaha funny la.

hmmm.... i am starting to get used to single life day by day. i am so happy i can get out of it. hahah thanks God. =)

yup tomoro going to wake up at bloody 6 am can!!!! it's so early de can!!! cannot take it la. hahaha luckily my parents going to bring me to shcool
if not!!!! hahaha yup tomoro then update more bahx. hahaha

thanks 'secret' for accompanying me =) zxie xie =) (wo men de mi mi)

well well well, how should i start it off?

hmm today i am involve in the NDP thing in my school. i was so 'blessed' and 'glad' i am involve in it. it was like nothing to do can. cos not enough man power and all these and that. was like come on, this is you guys country lehx. show some support lehx. bloody hell i am a foreigner yet i need to help out where some 'singaporean' can just sit back and relax. never receive any message from pong pong or wad. come on, we are all there during the saturday Community FIESTA right? damn bloody idiot. wth.

AND SC, don't u fucking have the bloody thinking u're so wad the big fuck u are. we are all human. we all serve this school. without BL doing all those bloody fucking shit stuff do u all think u can get the credit? shit u all the way to america!!! seriously i'm bloody pissed off by u guys. the way u guys look at us. hey don't let me complain okay?? so wad u got the CEO or wad the fuck big head behind u guys? come on, my aunt know some of the parliment members. but i never give anyone any bloody weird looks okay. bloody shit.

okay back to normal. well seriously think about it. i am really a failure in love life man. it's like things doesn't turn out the way i wanted to. some more after 'her' i was like so damn hurt can. not becos the love is deep, it's just tat she done something which i can forgive but not forget, no matter wad i don't think we can get back together. i rather we be friend then couple. in this way, i can protect myself to get so hurt again. yup. well been waiting for the next 'her' appear in my life but i doubt i will accept. frankly speaking, i am having phobia toward relationship. always afraid that history will repeat itself again. yup. but somehow, i am having some personal problem. i can't blog it out. it's a secret. just like jay chou new movie. haha.

okay i'm tired. gtg soon. hope my angels will bless and take care of my frenx and my love one. although it's busy but my angels work at night only. haha. yup. hope my angels will take extra care for her. it's our secret. hahaha =) yeah

haha, today went out with one of my student. it's glad that we catch up some funny conversation. she learn alot from me and i learn alot from her too. hope she and her guy will last long. my angels will always be there for her =). bless her. she's a nice gal so that guy must be bloody lucky to have her. treat her well man. if not all my angels will turn in to devil and haunt you man!!! haaha

after that we went to eat steamboat together. well this is the first time i ate steamboat with so many 'ingredient' man!!! haha thanks to her can!!! hahaha well although it's funny to eat the same ingredient again and again but with her around everything seems so funny la. hahaha keep on laugh laugh laugh. hahaha cool man. thanks to her i sweat like hell too. hahaha but my sweat don't stink. that the weird part. haha.

send her home and reach home about 11 plus. so before i bathe i shall blog 1st.

thanks God for today and everything that u've given me. i love the way God create me and the way i am. although i am not handsome but i am sure i can be one of the best bf if i wan to be. i am always faithful to the gal i love but everytime it seems to me that God always give me a hard time. but i am glad. at least i learnt lot of things from the past failure relationship. No matter wad i will keep on trying and get myself up. Never say give up. Love is the power of all sources. So everyone out there, pls do not give up on the love u're in or the one u will be having it. treasure it. =)

well i sort out my feeling and i felt so relaxed after such a long war. i admit i lost to the battle with love but failure is the mother of all success. =) i believe one day, one gal out there will treasure me like how i will going to treasure her. so who will she be? guess it's hard to know now but all i hope she can just be a normal gf, that's all i ask for. yup =)

okay there's NDP tomoro at school. I love BL man. even holiday also need to report back. thanks arhx. hahaha. well i'm glad i've stand up again. =) yup. gtg...

anyway, thanks to pretty princess eileen for entertaining me during afternoon till the time i went out. hahaha u're just so cute can. haha.

looking forward everyday to meet my next 'her' =)

well well well. it has been so long since i last update my blog. haha. well was kinda tired and sick of my life. everything screw up. seem to me she's living fine and well. so i guess it's time for me to move on. there's nothing i could do to change her. change her attitude, behaviour and concern toward her partner. so i guess it's time for me to let go.

been single about 1 or 2 months, learnt that something are better to let go and holding on to it. no point blooding over it where it won't bear any fruits after so much of hard work. Thanks God for letting me to learn such a wonderful lesson and i guess he will have his reason for giving me such wonderful ride in relationship.

well now i'm having phobia toward relationship. i'm afraid that i will get hurt once again. this time round not only my heart was hurt, even my soul and body seem to get affected by this scar. i won't make any first move to tell my next 'her' that i like her or wad so ever. i'll just wait for God or 'her' to show me that it's something worth for my love and worth for me to accept love again.

haha well, thanks God for putting me to a test in ITE. it wasn't such a bad school man. it's hell lots of fun every day. knowing more and more frenx every single day. (okay i know wad jordan gonna say again - HONGSTER)

Seriously speaking, i don't see in wad way i am hongster. i don't sweet talk with gals, don't go gaga over pretty gals, never ever disrespect a gal by 'toying' their heart. well maybe it's becos i am used to be with my buddy during secondary school so i am trying to change my lifestyle now. at least i don't suffer and get hurt so much after breaking up with her. it's true that this kinda of breaking up feeling SUCKs but it's not really that pain anymore. it's like more and more frenx come into my social circle and they DO care for me.

Thanks to jordan & alex, joey, ah ma(susu), wen 'zhu'(wen xin), elin kwan, pretty ah ma(eileen) and many more frenxs out there. thanks for letting me know that SHI LIAN doesn't mean end of the world. they are such a 'good' frenx. it's fun to go out or talk to them.

well today was the Community FIESTA event in my school. it's just so fun can. haha get to know 3 more frenx today. susu's frenx wan lin serious very cute la can. keep on beat me and 'squeeze' me. haha that stupid teacher in charge, mr blah blah blah. i would like to thanks him too. he ask wan lin, "are you malay" i was like laughing all the way man. cannnot take it la. hahaha. she's cute too. yup. =). ytd some hilarious things happen sia. i am the tour guide for the logistics operation lab. 4 secondary school gals damn funny la. they say to me "i thought logistics no shuai ge(handsome guy) de?" then i reply "well it's true la, no shuai ge de =)" then they reply me "how come our tour guide was a shuai ge." i was like huh? never wear spec is it? haha then i told them " oh thanks for your compliment" "i'm not shuai la" then after that i told them to focus on my classmate wad they are doing and teaching. before they went off, they came over and ask me "are you alvin?" i reply "yup, anything can i help u?" they ask "can i have your number? i'm interested to know u". i was like okay u win, u never brought your spec to our school then. i told them okay it's fine for me to give them my number but i won't reply their sms as my sms explode le. 1899 smses last month. lolx

seriously they never sms, they called me instead. nice one la. well not really interested to know them. normally i will start to know the person i like 1st. as in lets be frenx 1st. too fast get into relationship i am sure there will be lots of problem occur after the 'honey moon' period. yup.

okay should be enough to entertain many people who are dying for me to update my blog. haha. =)

take care all my frenx.