re-edit =)

yeah, it's party time.
time to move our body!!!
=).
alright, going to meet marcus and co later.
haha, marcus, u gonna pay for all later.
lol, bet somemore. wahahahhaaha.
i will make u go malu in front of esther.
wahahahahahaha, *evil smile*

oh ya, j*n** = janis
kinda special?
alright,
gal, i am going out later,
erm, u wanna join me?
call me up yup.
there will be esther & co i told u about.
yup, if u don't mind.
haha and pls don't nag at me.
don't worry, i won't get drunk again.
no more nonsense.
well if u wan to be a nanny,
come bah. wahahhaa.
=).
gonna take lot of photo later. wahahaha.
MARCUS U'RE SO GONNA BE DEAD!

anyway, went to book my final theory test date in the morning,
and pay for the PDL.
oh yeah,
janis, this sep,
i think i am not really very free,
need to go for test and practical driving lesson. =).
see ya.



anyway, just change my blog song. =)
My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne

*
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done




30th Jul
well, it's 29th Jul night,
jaslin jie wanna eat supper with me,
so yup,
met at blk 85 hawker center.
near my house.
but then,
i was damn freaking surprise.
she's driving!!!
kns,
fast man.
so well, we went to pasir ris central and had our supper,
(saw someone at blk 85 so decided not to stay there and eat)
well at first i reject this idea to go there.
i am afraid i will saw someone.
but then in the end,
jie was the one who drive.
so shoooo,
arrived at central le.

from 11.30pm all the way till 6 am,
chatting and gossiping non stop.
talk about our life and wad happen.
"jie, i am glad u've found kor(she's dating my kor!)
he's a very very nice bf.
and seriously, u r just like a tai tai now.
he's giving u money to shopping and all these and tat.
he's paying your hp and wadever bill.
he's showering you with his love.
do treat him nice.
after so many incident,
hope u will learn not to betray kor love.
hope u will treasure him before everything's too late.
hope u won't cheat behind his back like how u used to treat other guys.
he's really a nice guy la.

anyway,
i don't know why after u heard my r/s story,
u are crying like hell.
LOL,
wad should i say?
dots dots dots.
i am fine don't worry.
yea i know,
i am naggy, demanding and somehow care too much.
well, don't worry,
my next r/s won't be the same.
no more naggy, demanding and over0-care for her.
thanks for saying i change alot.
haha it's great to hear u say i look better than last time.
OF COS!
hahahaha.

so went to work with this tiring and gonna fall apart body.
nothing happen,
only the hottest topic will be esther!
thanks for 'shooting' me.
it's marcus who's in 'love' with her not me.
and i didn't sms her anyway.
winnie and esther really killing my phone battery sooner or later.
marcus, i know u will be reading this so,
HAHAHAHA i told esther alot of things about u.
tomoro i will show u wad's her comment for u! haha.
U'RE DEAD!

anyway, winnie and esther both are not my type of gals.
to u guys, esther seems to be very pretty,
but to me, she's a friend,
won't upgrade or promote to
a GIRLFRIEND STATUS.
that's all.

31st July - (test at 4pm),
jie came to fetch me to ubi for my theory test,
and she's very 'pangtan'?
she say must have a lucky star with me if not i won't pass.
lol,
well, no,
i don't think so.
no lucky star or wad.
i am very prepared for this test,
nothing will go wrong.

so in the end,
jie went to fetch j*n**.
i was like.
wad the hell???
when did they both get on so well?
i was like so surprise la.
well before tat i was studying all alone.
alot of thought flashing through my mind.

i'm not afraid how ppl will think of me,
well it's the fact that,
i used to dream about this,
after i got my license,
wanlin will be the 1st person i will drive with.
plan to change some of the internal appearance of our car.
put alot of our stuff in it and these and that.
well, now,
it's just a memories.
nothing matter anymore.
so J*n** was there to cheer me up,
gonna admit,
when all these thoughts flashing through my mind,
tears came flowing out.
well it's okay now.
J*n** thanks for the tissues.
=).
so in the end,
i passed.
see jie, told ya,
don't need any lucky star or wad.
i'm fine alone.

jie told me to get the PDL which will last for half a year,
then pray hard my final need one time to pass.
after tat,
TP!!!
then, here come my license.

well jie, u will be the erm erm,
not sure but i will drive u around if i get the license.
1st will be my mum,
2nd,
well not sure,
if happen so lucky to have a gf by then,
well she will be the lucky one. =)

anyway,
there's a major change in my family will be undergoing.
dad will be going overseas to work or relax?
not very sure but shld be next year,
then mum will be flying around the world to enjoy her life by next year.
so change in plan,
i may stay in sg,
yup,
had a talk with dad,
when he leave,
i will be using his car,
and of cos,
1st - change his car.
aiming for mitsubishi cars.
lancer? GDL?
not very sure but of cos he will be paying for it.
so means, i will be alone using the car.
pocket money must increase, if not,
car will go hungry.
seriously, i can't imagine,
drving my car with my gf,
sending her to school or work,
fetching her,
wad will it be life?
how will the feeling be?
i am looking forward to it.

yeah yeah, i know,
i am a fallen angel,
just hope,
someone will come and fix and repair my wings.
let me roam through the world of love again?
can i have this hope?
can i have this dream?
can i love someone again?
can i have a r/s again?
i wan to love and be loved by a her again.
after the test, was listening to
when you're gone,
well, totally cry like a baby.
i not sure why.
but tears just keep flowing out.

went to suntec and walk walk before my toe operation.
bought myself a bracelet, j*n** bought for me one too.
thanks.
jie treat me eat asian kitchen.
thanks.
as if i am going to have my last gift and meal.
LOL.

yes, i am happy that i passed the test,
but i am feeling so empty and lonely inside.

anyway, hope she's not visiting my blog.
jie,
yes,
i am a coward,
till now, i don't even dare to click on her bloglink or anything tat will have her photos.
i am afraid i can't control my emotion.
hope she's living fine,
she will!
hope there's someone there to take care of her (she's blur)
it's a long journey for me to walk on without her.


oh yea, had my operation,
it's not tat pain,
cos the infection area has gone.
weeeeeeeee.
i am so happy la.
no more pain,
no more bad memories.
nothing.

anyway, gonna get my pay together for june and july.
so yup, jocelyn,
i will pay u asap.
and yun ru?
i guess so.
so yup.
thanks for the help.

i will be changing phone,
whenever i'm using this phone,
lots of memories.
i need to change with brother or wad,
i'm trying my best.
try try try!!!



anyway,
guys can u help me soemthing?
do u think i should cut my hair?
below list of ppl i've asked already.
here's their answer!

marcus - cut, better cut botak, so no one will like u (thanks arh)
ah fatt- cut abit, maybe above your eye? (might as well tell me to cut armani hair style)?
ah hao - should leave it this way, let u look more girl! (damn u)
bao zhu - how much? (free) okay cut, cut botak more worth it. (shit u)
merilynn - huh? shit head wanna cut hair? don't wan la, later u look more shit how??
u're already so shit head, cut already look like shit brain! (F**k YOU)
dionna - if u're okay with it, i will be fine with it. maybe trim your hair? (yea, tat's wad i am thinking too)
J*n** - no don't u look more cute in this way. maybe just trim abit, u will look cuter. (okay thanks)
winnie - don't cut, u cut u not cute. (i guess i don't look really cute anyway)
esther - cut, yes, u should, and i will be the one to help u cut. (alright thanks for the help, your suggestion i will take it as nonsense will do)
jaslin - trim will make it do. (yea yea)
cousin kenneth - cut as short as possible. like mine. short and nice. when u'er doing exercise, it's so easy. and save shampoo money. (alright thanks for your comment too)

so should i or not?

anyway, going to buy some clothes tomoro.
jie treat me to the singfeast concert,
wonder any 'thing' will happpen tat day?


alright, gtg. i am tired.
my eyes are red again.
sleep and wake up,
forget about every sad memories. =DDD

well there's 2 post today.
below tat post mostly photos so enjoy.
well this post here will get kinda boring
as it's for question and answer post
so yup
bear with it if u guys can.
if can't then view those photo can le.


Jie
well u know who u are,
i am sorry that i didn't reply your message and answer your call.
i know u care about me this bro,
actually u had done enough to redeem yourself.
u accompany me throughout some of my lowest point of my life.
u accompany me out when i need someone to talk to.
so yup, it's enough.
don't blame anyone tat i've changed into this way.
i am not the alvin everyone used to know.
just take it as,
i'm a fallen angel.(maybe devil?)
to me,
promise is just a word without any meaning.
it doesn't serve any meaning.
wad's the use of keeping promise?
i don't see a point,
and
i don't see any point to keep
any promise to anyone now.

and don't need to intro gal to me.
i am having phobia now.
i don't believe in love.
i don't believe in r/s now,
i don't believe in promise.

and i don't blame anyone.
so u shouldn't put any blame on her.
i love the way of my life now.
flirting around,
fooling around,
having flings,
no responsibility,
no worries,
nothing.
i know wad i should do.
don't worry, there's always a limit in my action.
only till the day,
when the phobia gone,
and i happen to have my ms special back in my life.
then i think i will stop all these.
i know u sure going to kill me after u read this,
but now,
this is me,
i don't have the feeling of settling down.
i wan to enjoy this freedom.
=).



J*n**
hahaha
sorry for not writing your name out,
well, thanks to Jaslin keep on disturbing me.
anw,
about tat sms,
i am sorry,
answer shld be a no.
yup.
well,
i enjoy tat night with you.
yeah,
u're awesome.
but then,
well u read my blog before,
well, u know i am wad type of person now.
so yup,
basically,
i am a jerk.
yup.
tat's wad one gal called me.
i can't commit to any thing now.
and yes,
gonna admit,
u're pretty,
u're hot,
u're nice,
u're fun loving,
u're a good gf from wad tat crazy gal say to me.

u can find a better one i believe =).
a "much" "more" "better" "nice" "near to perfect"
"handsome" "good"
Boyfriend.
yup.

i am not cut out to be a good bf.
i don't treat gf well.
i scold,
i quarrel,
i am petty,
noisy,
"pervert" (hahaha),
nonsense,
naggy,
hot temper
&
just not the guy next door.

see i got so many short coming,
i'm not the guy u will wan.
and seriously,
i don't feel like saying 'i love u' to anyone now.
except to my family.
i don't feel like taking care of someone else now.
i don't feel like nagging to the gf.
i don't feel like commiting to a r/s which i think it won't last.
i don't feel like giving promises.
i don't wan to be hurt and make myself in such a mess.
maybe just one word.
selfish.
yup.
sorry,

well we can still go out and have fun.
especially clubbing,
or maybe u can go out a date with me,
i don't mind watching movie =).
hahaha.
having lunch or dinner will be fine with me too. =)
and sorry for tat night,
i guess i am too high.
yup seriously sorry.
well, your lips,
sorry to bite,
haha,
u bite mine too,
and u know wad,
thanks to u,
i am having a big ulcer now,.
i can't smile.
thanks arh.
anw,
i'm sure u can find a better one =).
next time u can use your lips and kill your bf off if he ever mistreat u!!!
hahahaha.


Marcus
thank arh bro,
u're such an ass.
thanks to u,
my hp can be used for 1 whole day,
now,
half day and it's dead!
thanks.
asshole.
well i will tell esther and winnie wad u're thinking.
wahahahaha.
anw,
esther is so pretty la hor?
keep on mention her name in front of my ear,
damn u.


Esther & Winnie
hey gals,
i put up the photo already!
don't disturb me le hor,
must be marcus idea right?
alright,
will try to plan some day out to ask marcus to meet up with u gals.
i not sure if i am going.
haha see 1st.
=)


anyway,
going for my toe last operation. =)
i am so glad.
no more pain after this operation,
oh ya,
esther u wanna know which part of my body injured before right?
my right eye,
my nose,
my back with lots of bite scar and scratch marks.
that a bite scar or mark which look like my wings dropped off.
chest got 4 bite scar.
hahaa.

well tat all u shld know.



p.s a very big THANKS to MERILYNN.
hey gal, thanks for the tatto design,
i like it.
i will tell u wad will be the words i'm going to put.
i think most likely will be someone name.
haha. will see 1st.
thanks alot. =)

28th july ' 2008
Happy Birthday dad!!!
it's my dad birthday. (well actually it's on 26th july but he went overseas so we celebrate it on ytd) =)
wish my dad will be happy forever and healthy!!!
dad, i love u man!
u're my awesome dad forever!!!

25th jul,


well nothing much happen.
went out with cousin kenneth,
watch movie.
hellboy2 again.
lol.

well cos nothing to watch,
batman full house, so yup.
after the movie,
went to starbuck and drink coffee, wahahaha.
met cousin friend there,
anyway,
thanks for the comment,
haha,
i will try to style myself up.

oh ya before went out with cousin,
met dion,
she went to school and listen to teacher talking.
something bad happen,
well,
erm gal,
well i am here, =)
this is wad friends are for.
=).
don't worry.
always look on the bright side.
here's her photo.
well some suggest to me now is not the time to post too many photo out yet.
so okay bah. =)








26th jul,
yeah, it's MERILYNN TAN MEI YI birthday.
oh my, this gal,
when i got there,
she's already abit drunk.
haha,
keep on hug me and wan me to drink with her,
eh gal, the present cost so much,
yet u wan me to get drunk with u?
nice one la.

well in the end,
saw jaslin jie and her bf.
many of my secondary school outside friends.
hahah we laugh and joke about lots of stuff.
hahaha,
it's so fun la.
anw,
thanks to mei yi,,
i drank 2 half cup of pure martell.
i was totally HOT!
fire seems to keep on burning my face.
lol.
oh ya met up with marcus and gang at there.
and know wad?
i saw adrian,
not from my school,
but the adrian from my previous workplace.
Rennthai.
lol,
she's merilynn friend's friend.
hahaha. sg is so small.

in the end,
got very close with j*n**,
one of her friend.
we joke and chat,
haha,
she's sweet la.
and she's hot.
yes,
she's hot.
i am glad i am single.
no worries over anything,

and thanks to stupid birthday gal match making again,
she tot j*n** and i,
interested in each other,
keep on push us to dance together.
lol.
well in the end we dance,
wow,
she's good man!
welll how do i say,
she's pretty,
she's cute,
she's hot,
she's fun talking with.
yup.



in the end, we dance and dance,
erm, merilynn,
u own me one,
thanks arh,
play such stupid game.

in the end,
while we dance,
idiot birthday girl push our head,
and well well,
we kissed.
LOL.
damn ps la.
but still,
we continue to dance and leave abit of distance with merilynn,
she's evil.

haha gonna admit,
marcus they all saw j*n** and i kiss,
lol.
they keep on 'pray' to me.
wth.
hahaha.

dance till around 2.45am, we continue our drink,
and now,
merilynn,
damn u,
bet with me for such a thing and make me lose.
u know wad's the outcome so that's why u're so sure u will win right.

damn.
drank 2 more glasses of martell.
i am half dead.
well, not dead,
but very high, it's the 1st time i am so high.



so 3am,
she pull us to dance again,
this time,
well,
how should i say?
disappointed?
j*n** and i dance,
till,
we are smooching & some sort of very very close contact all the way.
OMG.
but then, i don't know why,
maybe it's becos, i am drunk?
i love the way we kiss.(maybe it's too long since i last kiss?)lol
i love her scent.(after broke up, she's the 1st i am havin so close of body contact.)
now i am still having headache badly.
damn.
gonna explode soon.

yeah, i admit,
i am fooling around.
i'm not sure wad's happening to me.
but seriously speaking,
i hope i can drowning myself.
j*n** will never be my gf.
maybe like wad other say,
she's just a fling to me.
till the day i find my miss special back into my life.
i guess,
all of u guys will see a very different side of me,
dark side of me.
i never try it before,
so now,
i am going to try it.
i'm turning myself into a different alvin.
it's good. =)

anw,
thanks to marcus,
2 gals got my number,
they just know each other in st james.
and happen i am with them,
they ask marcus for my number.
marcus u sucks!
u gonna get it from me on monday.
damn u.





in the end, i am totally drunk.
car's flying again.
thanks to merilynn,

damnit,
i will never get drunk again.









anyway,
i am in love with ashley tisdale.
she's hot and pretty man!





p.s jaslin jie, merilynn, and j*n**
send me the photo asap.
i know i know,
both of u happen to photo the kissing scene.
just send me everything will do. =).
thanks thanks.

re-edit.
oh ya i just change my blog song.
it suits my feeling now.
totally.

i done wad i can.
i beg and plea,
i knee down(during the 1st break up),
i cried
&
i hope for u,
but in the end, no u're not there.

well i will enjoy my life with my special one but,
my miss special haven appear yet.

anw since u not coming, then it's okay with me.
and i told u before, when i totally give up on u,
i am serious.
i will give up totally.
by any mean or by crook,
i will do it,
push tat broken r/s out of my mind,
even if it hurt my heart badly i will still stab it.
put salt into my wound will make it heal faster.
yes,
u need to get out of my heart totally.
anw, it's up to u,
whether we will still be friend,
if u treat me as one,
tat contract still vaild.
so yup.


BYE BYE BYE



it's 12.50am now.
just bath,
damn tired.
haha.

alright,
i was so touched and surprised
by dionna.
after attachment,
as usual, alone,
taking bus from vivo all the way to ubi driving centre.
in between, i was so kuku
right elin?
haha,
i alight at the right bus stop
but becos of my stupidness.
i went to paya lebar mrt station.
in the end, gonna call elin for help.
hahaha.
kuku la me.

arrive at the bus stop of the ubi driving centre around 7.10pm,
test start at 7.30
so happen when i went into the customer service centre,
dionna was sitting alone there.
lol,
1st thought,
she's here for driving lesson too?

so went up and tap her shoulder,
"hi zhu tou"
1st thing she do,
use her file to hit my shoulder,
lol standard la.
so here's our conversation.
i asked her,
A: "eh how come u're here?
having driving lesson too?
here to sign up ?
or?"

she replied D: "u should change name, stupid(in chinese) zhu
of cos waiting for u duh"
i was like huh???
alot of question mark!

A: "how come waiting for me? i tot u go home le?"
D: "where's the dinner u own me?
A: "i tot u will read my blog de? haha today no time, sorry la"
D: "it's alright, then i wait for u and treat me supper.
A: "u sure? whole day in jc not tired arh?
D: "i got work to do, shoo go and do your test, i will wait for u at the sitting area at 2nd floor"
A: "haha it's not april fool today, can't trick me, quick, who's with u?"
D: "dots, it's 7.30 now, better be quick.
A: "haha ya ya, i know la, when i finish the test u will disappear le. hahaha. okay. bye"
D: "good luck, i've got confident in u. trust me." *bang* file on my head.


so went in and took the bloody test.
at 1st, i totally give up,
kns, there's 6 paper,
i fail the first 2 then pass the 3rd one.
so 10 mins break.
saw her really sit at there doing her work.
i was like, erm erm,
how come arh?

went over and say "gotcha"
hahaha.
her freak face.
damn funny la.

she really wait for me.
oh my oh my.
i was like so touched,
such a good friend.
nice.

so went in and done all the 3 paper.
in the end,
first 2 paper failed.
the rest?
i passed la.
wahahaha,
last paper 100% sia.
wahahhaha.

came out, she's not there.
tot she left already.
haha how i know.
*bang* file on my back head(gentle of cos)
D: so how's your test?
A:i passed 4 failed 2. whahaha. last one 100% leh!
D: alright dinner on u.

suddenly this sentence "dinner on u"
i was stunned for 3 sec i think,
well lots of memories flash back.
but it's all over now. =)

well took cab to tm, had pizza at pizza hut for dinner.
she order the new pizza, starzbites cheesy extreme.
not bad.
i didn't order, cos she's the boss. i own her dinner.
kns.

lol. we had fun talking and lots of funny photo la.
well, in the end, she's too full, i got to help her carry her file.
kns.
went to downtown east, Ehub,
walk around and well,
play with those stupid machine.
but then somehow, shoud i say it's lame or lucky?
$3, and we got a bear bear.
we ask the stuff how much does it cost, it's $49.90 okay!
lol.
yup walk her back home. before we reach central,
my nose bleed again.
lol.
i am afraid maybe every month there will be once nose bleeding for me.
but her,
LOL.
she's like going to cry soon man!
oh gal, i am not dead yet.
hahaha.
i was so surprise.

well in the end, hurry walk to her house there, she went up and give me 1 BOX of tissue.
LOL... ....
ahhaah funny la u.
well thanks gal.
thanks for the care.
thanks for this friendship.
thanks for everything. =)

i am sorry, i didn't mean to say those words.
cos i don't wish to lie to u.
yes, somehow,
some of your action,
really look like hers.
sometimes when u look at my eyes,
i got this feeling of looking at her eyes.
i'm sorry.

i know, i shouldn't
u ain't her,
i can't do this.
it's unfair.
but still, we too.
if we are tgt,
we will have lots of problems.
u'er a jc student.
but me?
ite student.
i look down on myself.
and u know wad happen,
u saw her blog and my blog.
u know i've been called a jerk.
a jerk will never be able to give happiness to the one he love.

and yes, i lost faith in love.
the love i gave,
the trust i gave,
the promise i gave.
all lost in just a day.
i suffer a heavy lost.
totally defeated by her.

now, i admit,
i am having phobia toward love.
i don't hate girls.
but just those who are nice to me.
i am having phobia.
i don't know why.
sorry dionna.
but i will try my best,
to get it cure,
i am sure i will be able to get her,
out of my mind.
no matter wad,
i must.
she got her own life now.
i need to get a life of my own.
no use blooding over the lost of it.
i guess,
i will do my best,
to find my heart back,
to find my hope back
and to find my faith back. =)

don't worry, we will still be the same good friend.
i am so touched u came all the way down from your school just to accompany me this poor old man!

and seriously i think i really need to give a serious thought of changing my appearance.
i need to buy more clothes.
yes.
and jeans?
haaha dionna,
don't accompany me,
i don't wan later,
your help,
the end product of me,
will be a clown.
hahahaha. =)
thanks.


later on, going out with cousin Kenneth!!!
haha i am going to be a big lightbulb!!!
wahahahahahahahaha.


p.s dionna, some of your photos are in my phone, u wan me to send to u?

now it's 12am, just nice.
just reach home. phew,
i am so tired.
met my bros just now.
thanks for the treat guys.
thanks for all the lame joke.
thanks for disturbing me!!!
hahaha.
i had lot of fun today. =)


well kinda disappointed today.
it's raining the whole day.
to me!
morning, my area here having heavy downpour.
then i can't wear my new shoe!
i don't wan to dirty it!
lol.
cos i am lazy, i don't wan to wash.

so wore back the old shoe.
... ...


so met them around 6 plus,
then we had our dinner at ti ***
haha, thanks for the treat.
we had fun,
joking about our secondary school life.
how i wet my pant and shit on my pant before.
lol.
alot of funny things la.
dammit.
hahahaha.

well before i wanna go home,
this stupid birthday GAL(merilynn tan) sms me!
"hey, pig head, are u free?
wanna meet at blk 85 hawker centre?"

well well well,
okay then, since it's very near my house so okay lo.

when i got there,
i tot she's alone,
how i know,
caslin jie and jaslin jie were there too.
and 2 of BIRTHDAY GAL FRIEND
KNS,
1st word from their stupid mouth,
"wah, tingsong(it's my name actually)
it's been so long since i last saw u,
hair grow so long,
voice change everything change.

hello miss,
u guys, for around 4 or 5 years since u gals last saw me.
of cos i change.
well they say i slim down damn lot.
well i admit.
after that incident,
i am 51.5kg only.
dammit,
mom keep on nagging me.
i think i should stop jogging and eat more.

yeah yeah, both say i emo and all these and tat.
alright,
i am emo kid.
lol.

then chit chat and talk about lot of stupid stuff.
lol.
jaslin was my jie becos of lame reason,
she's 5 days older than me.
caslin was my jie becos of stupid reason,
cos she look older than me even i am older than her in term of months.

was quite pissed off and confuse for the same reason.

thanks to birthday gal,
keep on match making her friend and i.
lol,
it's impossible la birthday gal,
u know wad happen still wanna match make.
kns la u.

i am confuse,
she gives me a feeling of her.
not about the appearance,
well i can't compare, cos eventually my answer will be 926546 no matter wad.
but her attitude, her smile, the way she talk, her height and how she dress up,
it's like totally her.
i am not sure wad happen to me?
nah, i don't think so.
must be i am too tired.
yes, it must be.

well, to prove i am wrong,
i show tat shithead merilynn, 926546's photo.
then one shithead and one emo kid,
staring at the photo and her friend.
in the end, no, they don't look alike.
so yup.

must be too tired.


well well, tomoro having e trial test.
hope nothing will go wrong.
oh shit, i don't think i going to meet dionna tomoro.
hey gal, i am sorry.
cos i don't think time allow bah.
all the way from 7.30 to 9.30pm i will be having the test.
till then, i don't think i will be going anywhere,
go home rest will be the 1st thing to do.

yup. i shall end here,
saturday or sunday then i will post photos out. =).
alot of funny faces and show tat stupid birthday gal face out!!!
it's a must.
wahhaha.


p.s elin, i reply your tag le. =).
yeah i know wad to do. i will live my life well without her,
and u're right,
she's better off without me.
she's smiling more now like wad u say.
so yup,
glad everything's fine now. =)
take care.

phew, it's so late now.
it's 2am.
just came back.

thank cousin kenneth,
seriously i am feeling so relax and happy now.
thanks for talking to me.
thanks for saying those harsh words to me.
yup.
finally sorted out every single shit in my mind.
i got your point. =)

it's time to let go.
no regret.
nothing.
don't ever look back.
believe tomoro will be better day.
終於看開　愛回不來 我們面前太多阻礙
我對你的期待　被你一次次摔壞
已經碎成太多塊　要怎麼拼湊跟重.


and my poor dad,
who was waiting for me to come back.
haha,
when i step in,
the 1st thing he ask, in chinese
"tat time u say psp how much?
and how much the iphone cost?"
so my reply was abit lame,
cos i don't get wad he mean,
"$400 lo for the psp.
iphone i don't know? u ask tat ah pui sleeping de.
his phone better than mine and he know more about it."

then my dad say "next week remind me to bring u to sim lim to buy
psp and check for the price of iphone. look kinda good and i need
to upgrade my image."

i was still so blur, don't get wad he mean (maybe i am too tired just now)
so i reply "u ask ah zhang accompany u go la, psp for wad,
u not buying for me. u ask ah zhang bring u go"

my dad scold me "u idiot, i am buying for u! help me check the price of iphone will die is it?"

suddenly i... ... totally awake.
oh yeah, dad,
you're the best,
hahaa.
i love u man!!!
u're so nice to me.


well dad did say something.
"i buy for u psp liao, better behave.
and hope psp can bring out your smile"

i cried in front of my dad.
well, he's just so nice.
thanks dad.

and happen tat, i kinda demand for more,
saying,
"hey daddy, erm u know hor, darryl my friend right?
tat time he came with the MP3 cum MP4 right?
i think it's under creative de, and u know la,
creative boss and u friend friend ma,
so u know.
can help me ask how much?
if i am not wrong it should be 16 gb or 32 gb de.
yup yup.
u should know wad to do right?
thanks dad"

my dad was smiling, saying i am his worst kid,
demand so much.
sorry dad,

at least u see my smile again right?
wahahhaahahahahahahaha.


yeah,
can't wait for attachment to end.
i wan to go on HOLIDAY!!!!
wahahahahaha.

没有你的日子 :18天

hmmm haven meet up with cousin yet,
i guess i am too tired.
got home, SLEEP.
lol 13 missed call.
sorry sorry.

oh yeah,
i will be able to wear shoe tomoro.
well not sure will it affect my infected area,
but still yup.
i wanna wear.
cos i got a new SHOE!!!
wahahahaha.

thanks dad.
u're the best.

alright friends,
i not sure wad will u guy react when u see this post but still,
hope u guys understand.

wad is love?
in the dictionary,
it's adore, be fond of, care for, cherish, fancy, idolize & like.
for example,
Mothers and fathers love their children.

to me?
after so many things happen,
this is my meaning of love.

when u r in love with your love one,
u will give your utmost love to him/her.
and even u give your best to him/her,
u will still feel it's not enough.
no matter wad u will wan to try your very best to give.
and u will never expect much from the other half.
the only thing u expect,
the other half will love u more.

humans are animal that need to be social and need lot of love.

till now, then i regret.
i regretted, why?
why didn't i love her more?
why didn't i care for her more?
well it doesn't matter anymore.

she won't be back in my life again.
no matter wad,
she's right to leave me.
in love,
there's no right or wrong.
there's no fair or not.

from now on,
i am going to seal up my feeling,
seal up my love.
she's the last one who took away my heart.
she's the 1st and last girl i am going to love so deeply.

it's good to love someone so deeply
and miss someone so madly before.
i learnt my lesson.

in this post,
i shall make a contract with her in my heart.
she's party A,
i'm party B.

Due to some misunderstanding between party B & party A.
party B leave party A.
and party A may had say something that hurt party B in the process.
party B is truly sorry for everything.
it takes both hand to clap.
although both party have some fault
but party B need to take up most of the responsible.
so,
in the future.
if party A need any help,
and if it's party B able to help,
he shall do his utmost to help.
if it's within party B limit,
he will still try his best to help.

this is the last time i'm going to say.
wanlin, well u're always in my heart.
i love u deeply and miss u badly.
there's no other gal able to make me smile so brightly again.
from now on,
do take care of yourself.
u can choose not to believe anything i say.
it's up to u.
since i have post out everything,
i am feeling much better.

and the ring that i had buried,
i took back my words,
i went back and took it out,
now,
项链在我身边
陪伴著我过每一天.


maybe like wad someone say to me,
it's time.
it's time to face everything.
although it's still raw,
although i will miss her badly,
although i will force myself madly.
but still,
u will forever be love inside my heart.



没想过爱情会下落不明
寂寞都不忍心
故事的结局走不出背影
我只能静静的
风吹醒 那些曾经
转过身 我用眼泪淋尽

心 该怎么学会去适应
那些没你的安静
我 也伤心的
收起所有回忆
你却一直住在心里
是谁都无法代替
总是忍不住
眼泪一直在我的爱情

该开始了 该怎么去安静


真心的对待 最珍贵
我回头想起
爱情的甜美
永远不后悔


hope this will be the last time i am posting about this r/s.
take care gal.


alright cousin calling me liao,
gtg. =).


signing off at 11.13pm.

alright, just reach home,
lot of funny thing happened today.

well i got off from attachment work 1 hr early.
why?
well my cousin leaving sg to aus for studies so was there to say good bye to him.

well i was so stupid and adsent minded.
i actually totally forget about meeting up with my old friend,
cheryl lee jia yi.
well she's not call cheryl now,
dionna will be her name.

it's like going 2 years since we last contact.
ever since i step into ite,
yup.
so meet up with her at airport today.
and my mum,
happen to be so nice.
treat us eat.
lol.

hey dionna, thanks.
thanks for making my mum and me,
laughing like mad.
we had our dinner at tm.
cos my mother going to meet my bro at tm,
so we had our dinner at crystal jade.
well,
i saw my secondary school friend,
and guess wad,
he tot,
dionna and me,
tgt.
lol.

no no, well thanks to dionna,
she was wearing her jc uniform.
lol.
so ppl tot i am there to fetch her.
lol.

hey gal,
thanks for saying i changed alot.
in the sense of appearance.
not sure how to react but still thanks for the nice comment.

took some photo with her but guess it's late.
so i will post it another time.
thanks to her sweet joke la.
it's bloody lame can.

after the dinner,
mum got to go off 1st.
so well we shop around tm, then in the end.
went to watch movie.
HELLBOY 2

it's a 4 stars show?
starting it's quite boring.
to me.
but dionna was like,
wow, wow, wow,
i was like.
ha ha ha ha ha ha.

the ending not tat bad.
some part of it quite lame.

after the movie,
send her home.
she's living at pasir ris.
very near to central.

we had some drinks at the coffee shop.
talked about lot of stuff.
thanks for giving me so many advices.
thanks for telling me so many thing.

well gal, u changes alot too.
u slim down quite alot.
and u look great in tat jc uniform la.
cos u know why?
hahaha,
u look real nerd.
wahahahaha.

dad happen to be in seng kang,
so ask him to bring me home,
in the end,
keep on disturbing me,

dad,
no,
she's not my gf.
just a friend.
a very good friend.
i don't think i can recover from it.
but still i am trying my best. =)


jie, thanks for telling me 'someone' wrote in her blog tag.
well, it's okay.
anyway,
i was quite puzzled.
as in,
she post in her blog,
she won't be with me tgt.
yet tat person tot she's like coming back to my side,
well i not sure why he or she is so afraid she will come back.
well not my problem anyway.
since he/she doesn't even have the guts to talk to me face to face so it's fine.

i know i make mistakes.
and well,
i had sent smses to lot of my friends.
well they know wad i wrote in tat sms,
so it's okay.
i am fine now.


tomoro gonna meet up with cousin kenneth.
hmmm, i don't feel like staying out late.
cos 1 more month,
attachment will be finish.
and u guys know wad?
i am having 2 months of holiday.
wooooot.
and then,
my taiwan trip!!!!
well i am thinking of japan.
not sure yet. after attachment i will research more about it.

i can't wait.
24th july.
my e trial test.
dots.
i haven even start studying yet.
shit.

test is coming.
haven even prepare yet.
damn.


oh ya, dionna,
pls don't be angry,
for saying u look nerd.
hahaha.

well u need to wait till my attachment finish then i can accompany u to go to my school.
cafe 1 food!!!
it's like going 4 months
since i last step into cafe 1 and cafe 2.
after attachment.
gonna go back there to meet up with some friends.
and cca too.
kns.



alright,
gal,
i am sorry.
dionna's not my gf.
we are good friends.
when i fell down,
she's there to help me up.
i am glad.
well,
no use asking anymore. =)
we won't be tgt.
although i wish to be in love,
but it's too fast.
i can't adapt to it.
let us be friend =)
at least,
if u got any problem i will still help u out.
=)


wednesday, phew,
meeting my bros.
=),
thanks for helping me to sell tat vocher away.
well, actually i need it but now,
it's doesn't have any meaning for it.
so yup,
u sell it at the right time.


thursday.
better stay at home.
need to rest.
not used to going out so often.
just wish to stay out of crowded area.
well i am not sure why,
but i don' like to going out now.
doesn't have any feeling of going out.
maybe,
just fall out of love so yup.
but still,
need to do something,
at least keep myself busy.
so tat i won't be thinking too much.
it will help me forget about unhappy stuff too. =).



friday, going to look out for present for merilynn.
not sure wad to buy.
maybe need to ask someone out to give me some idea.


saturday,
hmm, oh ya, meeting jaslin jie 1st.
then we shall go to merilynn party.
well tat gal,
nice one.
set up birthday party at club.
nice one.
need to prepare myself.
if not.
drunk!!!
damn, sure damn ps de.
but then i intend to drink soft drink.
hope she will let me off.
hahaha.

jaslin jie,
look out for me.
hahaha.
if not laptop or wad will be flying again.
hahahahahahaha.

yeah.
tat's all. gtg bath now.
and SLEEP!!!!


thanks anyone who's so good.
to read the whole post finish.
thank you.

oh ya, my blog song.
her voice's good.
her singing natural too.
agnes.
campus superstar.
yup.
=)



p.s i am sorry.
seriously sorry.
tat's all i have to say.



*i m u*

forget it.
friends,
hope u guys understand,
i am just like a wounded animal now.
don't add salt to my wound pls.

so i beg u guys,
don't tell me anything more about her stuff can?
it's not i don't wan to know,
now,
we are not tgt anymore.
and she got her life to live on.
wadever she wrote on her blog.
i can't complain.
it's her blog.
because she feel it this way.
maybe i didn't treat her well.

she's right in her blog.
alright?
just take it as i am a jerk or anything she wrote.
and we really got a big difference.
she's young, she wan alot of freedom.
i know i am young too,
but i am already feeling to settle down.
due to my family background and some problem,
tat why i will have this thinking.

i wll not post anything.
the truth,
let us just buried alright?

let us hope she will get a better bf hao ma?
better than me.
treat her better.
pamper her more =).

i got my karma already.
i made the gal i love,
leave me and hate me,
so let's stop all these. =).




hey gal,
i am sorry,
i don't think i will be able to accept u.
it's not because u're not good enough.
the feeling,
just not right.
u're at a wrong place and wrong time to meet me.
althrough someone told me to get over this r/s,
will be,
find a new r/s and it will get over it.
but sorry,
i can't,
it's unfair.
and my heart,
can't let another gal in right now.
so sorry about it.

hope we can still be friend.
and stop wearing so sexy,
there's lot of molest cases going on.



hey cheryl,
rem wad i told u?
yup friends,
i will say,
maybe, cheryl,
is the guai guai and nice gf type i like.
but i don't think we will be tgt.
she's nice. but my feeling's not right now.
and, we can be better in friend =).
let least we can chat happily.
thanks friends.


u guys don't ask me any reason why.
i got my own secret.


even through i am pissed off.
but still.
even till this end.
even till now,
my heart,
will be siding with her.
will be protecting her.

that's all.


wanlin, i won't tell u who i am refering to in tat sms.
don't guess too much.
don't think too much.
maybe, u won't know the truth forever,
so better not add anymore stress or stupid stuff into your life.

you're right,
thanks for loving me deeply before =).
if not u won't be with me for going 11 months.
thanks for everything again.
maybe we are not fate to be tgt.
you yuan wu fen.

friends,
i know it's foolish,
but still,
it's the last way to protect her.
even she don't think this way.


i'm sorry dad and mum.
pl don't be angry with her.
she doesn't mean it in the 1st place.
she's doesn't wan it to happen too.
and,
don't blow it this matter up.
it's my problem.
sorry to say that.
but for this matter,
till death,
i will still be protecting her.
still be on her side.
so don't stir anything up.


wanlin,
even u feel i am seeking attention but still,
i will still be telling u.
u're the 1st and last,
u know wad i mean.
and,
sorry for any hurt u had suffer from me.
seriously sorry about it.
take good care.

hope u will get a better bf,
don't get a jerk like me. =).


sometimes, it's better not to know the truth.



i am glad, i didn't shed any tears.
=)



so friends, don't ask anymore stuff about it.
i know u guys care,
but pls,
spare a thought for her and me.
don't add salt into my deepest wound again.
it's hurting, and hurt alot.

pls don't go to her blog or friendster or wadever way,
to comment about her.
u guys got no right to do that.
no matter wad,
just leave her alone.
don't let me find out,
if u guys,
somehow in wad way or means,
she get hurt because of it.
i will by all means to defend her.
that's all.

it's the last way of loving her.
after this,
i will get on with my life. =).

and kelly jie,
pls don't do anything stupid or foolish.
don't need to talk to her.
i'm already 20.
i can get over it. =)
she's right and wrong.
i'm right and wrong too.
it takes 2 hands to clap.

she's a nice gal overall.
maybe in this r/s,
i give in too much.
we took each other for granted.

elin, susu and cheryl.
hope tat if anyone ask u about us,
don't say already alright?
although she's a bad gf to me.
but still somewhere in my heart,
she's one of the best.
she given me lots of wonderful memories.
so don't say she's a bad gf anymore.


thanks everyone for your concern and care. =)
she will live on well without me.
i'm sure of it.

so in return,
me too,
should live on well without her,
bring back all my smiles. =)

even till now,
i am still waiting,
hoping,
she will,
come back into my life..
will she?


到底什么是爱情？爱情是让人感觉甜蜜幸福或 是让人感觉伤心痛苦？还是两样都包括在内？ 爱情能维持多久？长久还是短暂？

re-edit.
finally, make up my mind.
yes, i am going to tattoo.
i will rem how this r/s,
wad we went through, wad we learn and where do we make mistake.
in this way.
if happen,
the next one,
i will know how i shld treat her.
how i shld prevent.

in this r/s, we need to sit down and talk.
i know, wad we lack is communication.
we need to solve the problem one by one.
why?
why can't u, give this f**king stupid idiot,
who's crying, missing and dreaming of u,
a chance?
why? wad can make u come back into my life?

breaking up is the only way to solve our problem?
i don't know.
i really don't know wad u're thinking.
i haven't visit your blog ever since tat day.
i don't know wad u're feeling now.

i got this feeling,
we both still love and miss each other.
we both still hope there will be miracle appear to save this r/s.
we both still wan each other back in our life.

GOD, FATE, WHOEVER,
why must u make us a fool?
why must u took away?
is it really tat hard?

from the start,
we are being look down by other tat we will not last for 6 months.
in the end,
we still make it past 10 months going 11 months.
we go against all odds.
we surprise everyone,
why?
in the end,
our ending is this?

this feeling sucks.
it kills.
is it really tat bloody difficult to start all over again?

when u love someone so deeply,
in the end,
when things goes wrong.
u will hate tat party.

i am starting to feel this way.

ai yua shen, hen yua shen.
why?
i hate u. i really hate u.
all becos u afraid we can't solve it.
all becos u think we will make the same mistake again!!!

didn't adam incident prove anything to u?
after tat incident,
our love turn stronger.
and now, he didn't do any damage to our r/s.

this prove in r/s we need to learn.
aren't friend's r/s the same?
aren't other r/s the same?

u didn't give me a chance.
u didn't.
u back off.
u give up.
u end it.
THANKS.


TAT ALL.


p.s
anyone got any idea wad to buy for a gal 20 yrs old birthday?
well she's my 1st ex cum bestie.
not sure wad to buy for her.
give me some idea pls. =)







it's the last post about this broken r/s.
it will be the last time.








Days without you : 14 days.
sunny


today went to those places with memories.
had a good look.
it's true tat going with different person,
u will have different feeling.

hey gal,
thanks for accompany me today.
well, just hope u will be able to get some fresh air,
thanks for the lunch today.
well, dinner on me so we are even now.
=)

sorry to let your tears roll down again.
i didn't mean to.
i'm sorry to shed tears in front of u.
i didn't mean to make u cry too.

told myself, it's the last time i will be visiting those places.
there's lot of memories with lin in those places.
and the ring,
i have buried.

u're the 1st and last girl,
that i will ever love so deeply.
u're the 1st and last girl,
who's able to capture my whole heart totally.


went to "mussle man" at vivo for lunch.
it's the last place we celebrate our anniversary.
order the same things again.
in the end,
finish all by myself.
it taste bitter.
now then i know,
when u lost something important,
everything will lose it taste and feeling.
it's wad i deserve. =)
when she's with me,
i didn't know how to treasure it.
that's karma.

went to changi village, just to have a look and took some photo.
went to clarke quay.
went to our previous workplace.
=)

had dinner at "ti amo" at Ehub!
order the same usual food.
the same female waitress serve us.
she asked me is her my new gf?
nah,
i told her no,
she say she still prefer to see lin and me tgt.
thanks.
sorry to say,
u won't be able to see it anymore.

tat waitress had a chat with me.
yea, i am alright.
saw me wipping my tears
it's okay.

after tat, went to lin's house downstair.
alot of memories flash back.
thanks for all the memories.
hope wad lin say will come true,
i will be able to forget u.

took 12 back home.
still rem,
i used to hug u on train and bus.
it's like u're always so tired.
and u will always sleep on my arm.
the feeling, your sleepy look, your scent.
lingers me all along.

tears been rolling down already.
i guess i shld stop here.
i am like a cry a baby.
crying every night.
man do cry.

got this tag by one of my friend,
lol,
the title kinda lame but well,
post it out.

title : ever cried for a girl/guy becos of happiness?

Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
yes, it happened.

What's your favorite card game?
UNO!

Who was the last person you called or message?
it's her, wanlin.

Anything you're giving up on?
yea.

Are you open about your feelings or closed off?
only to my bestie. in the past, it's only to her.

Think of the person you told "I love you" last, did you mean it?
yes.

Do any of your friends have any of your clothes at the moment?
erm nope,
only hers.

What's your profile song right now?
wait for you - elliot yamin

Ever cried because of happiness?
yes, when i think of those words she say and the memories.

What's some things people hate about you?
when i am angry, my words can be hurting.

Thought about someone today?
yes. she's always on my mind.

What do you hate about your best friend?
nothing.

Are you in love with the last member of the opposite sex you hug?
she's the last one i hugged.

Overall mood today?
confuse.

What's something you say too much?
kns.

Last game you played and with who?
not sure.

Know anyone who's been drunk recently?
yes.

Are you happy with who you are?
i don't get it? with?

Do you judge others?
yes, but i take time to observe.

Do you enjoy drama?
hong kong drama.

Would it hurt seeing someone kiss with the last guy/girl you kissed?
yes.

Who do you tell everything to?
not everything.
bestie and parents?

Did you speak to your mother today?
yes, just had a long chat.

How many months until your birthday?
8.

Who do you wish you were with right now?
her, if i am able to turn back time and possible again.

What are you listening to?
same song as this blog now.

What color is your hair?
black.

What is the last movie you watched and with who?
ironman. with her.

Who's bothering you right now?
nope.

What makes you happy?
it's obvious.

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
just 1 hour ago.

Are you happy?
no

Do you miss someone?
yes.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
yes.

Who was the last person you gave your number to?
secondary school friend.

Where is your number one right now?
gone forever,

How was your day, what'd you do?
not really good. went lot of places with memories.

Where do you hide your money?
bank.

How did you wake up this morning?
by phone. either sms or call.

Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
sunrise. she's the 1st gal.

Last time someone surprised you?
when she post something touching on her blog.

Who's the last person who made you smile?
no one.

What's the last bone you broke?
nope. ligament tore consider?

How many letters are in your last name?
not sure.

What are you excited about?
nothing.

Do you curse a lot?
seldom.

Do you drink bottled water?
yes.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
yes.

What's something you wish you could understand better?
the phrase 'i love u' has no meaning anymore.

Is there anything you want to say to the person u love?
alot. there's too much words to say.

there will be 2 post today.

below that post is for e girl i miss and love deeply.


i think i make a decision already.
after ite,
i think i am going overseas.

i will miss my friends.
especially
BESTIE - SUSU, ELIN, CHERYL, KELLY, merilynn
MY 5 BROS IN SEC - SHUI MIN, YONG WEI, JERYL, DARRYL N SHAUN.
GOOD FRIENDS - JOCELYN, KK, SISTER Z, AND ALL THOSE WHO KNOW ME =).

YEA.
other than this,
there's nothing more for me to hang on.
elin, susu, cheryl will u guys u know,
be there for her when she need u guys.
i know she won't like it.
but still.
she treasure friends more than r/s.
so don't u guys let her down.
especially susu,
si ah ma, si sutong.
better protect her.

re-edit.
not sure whether dad and mum will approve but there's about 60% they will.
feel like tattooing something, some words.
at least,
it let me rem,
there's once this girl really engrave something important and
something i will rem for life.

shld i?

maybe.

well. =)


oh my, merilynn's birthday coming soon.
hmm gal,
i not sure wad to get for u.
still thinking hard about it.
don't be sad alright?
he's not a good guy.
i am not a good guy too =p
i can't help u much,
i'm also in this mess.
so all i can,
to be there when u need someone to drink!
not water,
i prefer ... ...
soft drink! =)

oh ya, hmmm i think i will be there, for your brithday party,
it's the two zero party right?
yeah i will be there.



this girl - zheng wanlin diane,
u will forever be engrave into the deepest part of my heart,
take care.
drink more water too.
be nice and treat your next bf better. =)

nobody know wad am i feeling right now.
never!
never will i tell other about how i am feeling.
tears, pls stop dropping will u!!!



why!!!
anyone can tell me why?
why do i still miss her so much?
sorry elin,
i'm still crying every night.
cry like hell!!
when everyone sleeping,
my room,
this place with lots of memories,
make my tears rolling like free.

给我一杯忘情水 换我一夜不流泪




17th aug 2007,
17th july 2008.

11 months.

11 months of sweet and bitter memories.

i really done my best,
done my part.

it took me 1 and half year to forget about keying.

and now.

2 years, won't even be enough.

yet, u told me

"after awhile, i will gradually forget about u.
and things will be different from wad i say."

u r not me,
u don't know everything.
u only know some part of it.
u don't know,
u won't wan to know.
yes i hate to admit,
i still miss u very much.
i still love u like how i used to love u.
i still care for u.
i still... ...





愛上了一個人能夠為她犧牲　
就算付出了生命我甘心為了妳
兩個人在一起分享愛的命運　
永遠都不會忘記我們生活點滴

妳是我最深愛的女人　
妳有最美麗的嘴唇
妳擁有最動人的眼神　
妳帶給我幸福和快樂

我是妳最深愛的男人　
我的愛絕對是永恆
做什麼都值得　愛上了一個人





thanks for everything.
u let me learn and know wad is true love.
together with u, i learn how to care more for the 1 i love
u're the 1st gal i ever shed so much tears.
i've done my part.
u really took my whole heart away.

take care of yourself.
be careful with the friends around u.

Goodbye my love.

alright folks!!!
i am so so so happy today.
why?
i got a goal in my life now.

in the past,
i was wondering wad i shld do in my fututre.
but now,
finally,
after such a long long search,
i know wad i wan.
it's quite silly i know.

considering whether to take up tat course?
i need to leave sg for further studies on this course.
so yea,
will talk to dad and mum about it.


finally,
i given up totally.
it's the 1st time,
never click and view her blog,
i am not missing her.
not thinking of her too.

it's like totally out of it.
i'm glad.
there's so many people scolding me for it.

thanks to SUSU.
thanks arh,
scold scold scold.

i don't care wad u will write after i post this in my blog.
i ain't gonna give a fucking care about it anymore.

anw,
it's so coincidence that i found out something about 2 of her friend.
i was so so so surprise that they actually did that.
was like,
WTF???

he ain't wad u are seeing right now.
u knew it. didn't u?
i was back stabbed by him once.
u too.
wad he say to u and wad he say to others,
it's damn totally different.
i can't believe wad he had say to others.
u'll regret one day.
trust me.

well as for another of her friend,
well,
totally, gone case.
yes,
i would say.

he's not the one of the kind u will wan to continue your friendship or r/s with
after u had heard wad he had say or done.
tat's all.

well,
it's your life now.
i can't say if they are bad for u.
but one day,
when u know the truth,
u will not only be disappointed,
u'll regret it damn much.

from wad i know,
and how much i understand u.
tat's all i can say.

and friends,
i won't be visiting wanlin blog anymore.
so,
pls don't tell me about wad she had written or say.
pls don't inform me about how's she doing.
pls don't ask me anything more about her.
pls don't tell me if anything happen to her,
cos,
i don't think she will wan me to care anymore
and i don't think i am suitable to even care for her.
so stop telling me anything regarding about her.
thanks.

and suyu,
pls tell your tat friend,
if he/she think i am flirt,
i don't mind posting out,
and i can even ask u guys be the judge
in this broken r/s,
am i the one who flirt or her?
i didn't cheat behind her back or wad,
i didn't 2 time her at all.
i didn't even have time to flirt around with other girls.

so stop those nonsense.
if i ever need to post the story out.,
it's gonna be damn mess up.

thanks.


finally,
my smiles,
i am able to smile again.


hey friends,
if happen u guys read this post.
pls tell wanlin this:

thanks for letting me go.
thanks for doing this to me.
thanks for giving up this r/s.
thanks for letting me to learn in hard way.
thanks for everything.

becos of all these,
the next her,
will be better to me.
thanks alot.

it's time. time to leave that shatterd old alvin.

time for this brand new alvin =).

elin,
i think u must be glad.
glad tat finally i sorted out right?
alright,
treat me a meal then =).
hahaha.

before heading to bed.
shall post something. =)

thanks friends.
thanks alot.
thanks for showing me all the support.

well, heard from one of my friend,
i am being call as flirt.
why?
i don't know why.
seriously speaking,
well,
i admit, before i was together with her,
yes, i am a so called flirt if u wan to say,
before being with her,
my surrounding are mostly girls.
yes,
i don't know why.

but after being with her,
i was totally changed,
i didn't flirt around.
all i had done,
just being there,
waiting for her.
my whole heart was with her all the time,

never did i gave it to any other girl than her.
that's all.
it's true,
she, herself also know that.

no matter wad,
i didn't do anything behind her back.
i didn't flirt at all.
even after so many incident,
i am still the same.

well, all i can say,
it's my karma,
yup,
i believe so.

BUT,
TIME WILL TELL THE TRUTH.
that's all i know.



saw her blog,
'someone' say i am waste of her time.
i don't knnow why would u say tat.
yes i admit,
i done something wrong.
but i don't think i am a waste of her time.

at least,
we had happiness memories along
throughout this r/s.
i know i complain alot.
but still,
whenever i recall or think about it.
yes,
it's sweet and totally awesome.


i am not sure if she will feel this way,
but i hope,
at least she won't feel the same as u do.



it's getting nearer and nearer.
i've got no confident at all.
i am trying to think positively,
tat's all i can do.




recently i am so in love with this 'old song'(not tat old, about 6 to 9 months ago)

here's the lyric.
yes it true,
when u are being in love with a song,
it will show wad're u thinking and how are u feeling right now.
it's proven by expert.


[Verse 1]

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

[Bridge]

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

[Chorus]

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

[Verse 2]

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

[Bridge]

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

[Chorus]

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

[Bridge]

So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afriad of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you wanted to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing i do

[Chorus]
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do



I'll wait for you

well, i should be happy.
why?

dad going to pay for the fee of my
laptop upgrading - $300,
new psp - $400,
driving lesson fee - $180.50(done)
and taiwan trip - $500 to $900?.
thanks dad.
thanks for treating me so good.
seriously i don't know wad to say.
i've got such a nice dad but sometimes,
i complain he's being baised toward my bro.
but still, he's a nice and wonderful dad.

hey dad,
i am sorry.
i didn't smile when u say u gonna pay for all those fee.
i really don't know how to tell u
or
i don't know how to explain to u,
how i am feeling now.

i can't explain why,
i don't know how to smile anymore.
even in front of my friends.
i really lost my smiles.
sorry.

i know,
i say i won't post any of my feeling in my blog anymore.
but seriously,
i don't know where i can say out wad's on my mind and my feeling.
and, my blog,
not many people will be reading it.
i guess it's fine.


mum, i am sorry too.
sorry for shouting at u just now.
just leave me alone in my room,
i will be fine.
sorry for making u to nag at me.
i know i shouldn't be drinking every night,
but i really don't know how will i be able to sleep without it.
i am silly,
just let me be.

i'm lost,
there's no one i can turn to anymore.
in the past,
at least,
she's there to share it.


yeah, i know,
it's time to be independent.
but,
i can't.
i can't step out of it.


it's hurting,
and it's hurting badly.
it's bleeding since.
and this feeling sucks


hey friends,
i am sorry if u guys think i put up a fake smile.
i am sorry.
i didn't mean it.


i'm going taiwan all alone.
someone say it's good.
it's good i can leave sg,
at least,
i can get myself out of here and keep myself busy.


saw her blog,
she wrote
"i should have make a firm decision last time
i regretted.

i feel so lost right now"


alot of mixed feeling.


heard tat u're having a big ulcer now.
drink more water pls,
whenever u are in front of your computer or
outside,
u seldom drink water.
if can,
add some salt into your water.

hope u're not coughing anymore.
take good care.
this coming wednesday,
all the best,
confident.
jia you.

i know, she won't be reading,
but still,
this is where, i can tell her,
i miss her,
i care for her still.

she won't know it.




欺骗自己你还在
眼泪却想不开
转身以后你怎样离开
我该继续等待
还是一个人去习惯这孤单
离开以后我才懂得了如何去爱
爱就不该计较伤害
我在空气里抱紧你最后的温暖
抱不住对你的依赖
懂得你的那些无奈
我不相信爱可以说放就放得开
现在我才终于明白
假如你不曾走开
我不听从安排
是否还继续相爱
当这是场意外
现在我才终于明白
离开以后我才懂得了如何去爱

well well well,
woke up at 3 plus today,
damn tired.

well been force to clubbing yet,
thanks bro for your treat.
and the private room was damn high class!!!

well there's laptop there so was talking online with a few friends.

hey cheryl and elin,
sorry ytd i didn't reply u,
was having a chat with my parents and after tat been force out with my friends.
so diidn't reply u guys.

was having lots of fun ytd.
well
i not sure why
but i didn't smile like how i used to be
maybe i need time to find my smile back.


yes, i need time to overcome the lost of love.
yup.
and friends,
pls put up a little bit with me.
i know i am putting on a brave front now.
i didn't wan u guys to worry for me.


well went clubbing but didn't drink much.
didn't dance at all.
not sure whyi don't have the mood to dance.
so yup,
alone watching replay soccer match.
went back home and fall asleep.
i am not sure why.
but i need the help of alcoho to make myself sleep.
i am such a coward.
lol.



alright,
shall update to here.




p.s i still miss u.
but i don't think u will.
=)

wow, it's 3 plus now.
well, it's nothing surprise.
but i slept at 6 am.

thanks jie for treating me the drinks.
thanks for talking to me.
well i know, my toe's injured i shouldn't drink
but seriously,
i had a peaceful sleep.
it's the 1st peaceful sleep i had ever since tat incident.
=)

went to MOS with jie,
thanks for asking your bf to fetch me.
hahaa,
well i am not sure why out of sudden u treat me so good.

hey friends,
i broke my record.
i drank 17 glasses of different wine.

i was totally dead.
but i am happy.
at the very least,
it let me escape from this reality.

i'm sorry to let u think this way.
i got my reason.
u'll never know wad's the reason.
if u really hate me,
well, hate me.
i got nothing to defend for myself.

i didn't wan those stuff at 1st.
well maybe u will never know the truth.
and i know
u won't wan to know it anyway.

just take it as,
i am a jerk.
a damn jerk and bastard like wad u say.

well jie, don't need to envy me anymore.
i am single already.
u used to envy me and wanlin,
but now,
i guess u don't.

if both of us,
make some more effort to save this r/s,
things will turn out different.

yeah,
hate me, hate me all u can.
at least u will let me feel better. thanks.
u say in this r/s,
there' no trust at all.
can i ask u?
if there's no trust,
will i still act so calm and normal
when i found out u've contact him long ago?
i know it's no big deal,
but a promise is a promise
u say u know how will i react if u talk to him,
but have u ever thought
how will i react if u didn't let me know in the 1st place and u done it without telling me?
yet i didn't angry or make a big fuse with u.
instead,
i just be there and ask u or hint u.
tat's all.
i didn't act like last time,
like wad u say,
childish.
i didn't even scold u.
i trust u will know wad to do.
i trust he won't get into our r/s.
i trust u after all.
yet u say there's no trust.


susu, i am sorry,
i know i shouldn't done it
u been begging me to stop it.
but yet,
i still done it.
i am sorry,
i sms u the reason already.
don't show it to others okay?
keep this to yourself.


when i done this,
i know there will be 2 outcome.
now,
i know which outcome will it be.
i don't pin much hope.


alright this will be the last time i am gonna post how am i feeling in my blog.
from tomoro onward,
i will never post my feeling and how i feel in my blog again.



thanks for the going 11 months of sweet and bitter memories.
thanks for everything u done for me.
thanks for the birthday gift and thanks for accompanying me during my birthday,
although it's one of my worst birthday in my whole 20 yrs of life.
but still,
like everyone say,
during your birthday,
if the one u love are there being with u,
other don't matter anymore.

yes,
i am happy,
there's alot of sweet memories to cover up our bitter memories.
rem how we just being together,
rem when both of us,
sticking like super glue.
every 2 to 3 days either i will be at your house accompany u or u will be in my house with me.
rem how we used to quarrel,
and after tat always gonna uses alot of way to hong u back.
rem the 1st time u cook for me something to eat.
although something happen in the middle.
but still it's one of the best noodle i had.
rem when u're there,
using the loving way to help me pick those extra hair in between my eyes,
rem how i used to help u dig your ear and u will always sleep after awhile.
rem the small little memories books u gave me.
rem how u beat me up and after tat your care for me was like... ...
well alot and alot.
i didn't regret loving u after all.
i didn't regret at all.
the only thing i regret,
if both of us, could do more to save this r/s.
there' no perfect bf/gf in this world.
we can only learn and try to give in to each other.

all these memories will be buried.
well, i am not a good bf,
till now,
u still don't understand much about me.
yes,
cos i didn't make an effort.

and i know,
i have the thinking of settling down
while u,
just reach 18 yrs old.
will like to enjoy aot.
enjoy freedom.
yes now u have the freedom.
and roam the future like no one will be there to stop u.

hope, in the future,
u won't meet someone like me.
hope your next bf,
will treat u much better.
yes,
pls treat her well and care for her more.

although she's super stubborn,
super attitude when she's angry
but overall.
she's a good gf,
just tat she can't be "auto"
if u need her,
just tell her,
don't expect her to know.
if u love her so much,
just tell her.
if u hope she will be there for u,
tell her.
if u wan her to love u more,
u should love her more than she love u.
in this way.
ending won't be like us.


nothing matter anymore.
both of us are seriously wounded.
yeah,
and i know,
we won't be back together.
there's no chance i know.
but still i hope, we can still be friend.
maybe u won't wan it anyway.

i hope time will wash away all the hurt and hate.
time will heal our wound.
as it has done before.


after all these,
i know wad i shld do.
i will and i swear,
i will treat my next gf better,
i will do it.
i will treat her better and make sure history won't repeat again.
at the very least,
wad i regret in this r/s
i won't let it happen.
i got my karma now.
i got it.,
and it's a painful one.


like wad susu say,
always look on the bright side.
and it's time
i face the reality that i lose u.
it's time to pack up my feeling and walk down this road on my own.
it's time to face empty and lonely again.
it's time to admit,
i lost another love.
it's time,
yes God,
it's time.

well i will,
asap,
to find the old alvin back.
after so many failure r/s,
it's time to learn to be a better bf.


where will be my next princess be?

finally, i am back home.
this place that holds alot of my memories.
this place where it will calm my heart down no matter wad.
HOME SWEET HOME.

well actually i wasn't even to be back home.
after beg and beg of discharge,
finally, the doctor,
must be tired of my nagging skill,
let me discharge.
wahahaha.

thanks to nurse kelly blah blah blah.
for taking good care of me.
when i am in coma for a short period of time.
thanks for putting the photo back to my hand.
well, i know u will be reading my blog.
so i must type it out really big.
THANK ALOT. THANKS FOR THE TALK.
THANKS FOR THE JOKE, THANKS FOR THE ENLIGHTENLING.
THANKS FOR TELLING ME I AM NOT A GOOD "BF"
THANKS ARH! SI KNS!

alright, she told me to be careful with my nose cos why?
it's like a new nose.
might as well tell me that i just went for plastic surgery.
hahaha.

thanks to be my listening ear,
if not, i think i will give up.
thanks for telling me wad's wrong with my r/s.
thanks for console me as well,
i know it's not all my fault but well,
it's me, eventually who let this r/s to be in this state.
=).
thanks for everything.


to jocelyn,
hey friend, thanks for sending me tat sms.
well i can't reply u cos i was already on the way to operation room.
sorry.
thanks =).


to that secret visitor,
thanks for giving me such a big apple.
i am wondering who are u?
put a apple and 1 letter tat all?
why no PSP or $$$???
hahah joking =).

cheryl, thanks for talking to me when i am so the boring.
thanks for entertain this going to die old man!!!
thanks alot.


during these 4 days, i learnt alot.
i must admit, even i don't wan,
i am not a good bf.
i am always go jing jing ji jiao.
shouldn't be so demanding,
it's good, at least i came to know how bad am i.

and well, the food there, SUCKS!
i don't like it.
it's so tasteless.
or should i say doesn't have any taste to me only.
alright doc say for the 2 to 4 weeks i wouldn't be able to taste anything,
or should i say everything to me is so plain?

on the way back, mum ask me some question,
sorry mum i can't answer,
sorry.
it's not becos i don't wan to answer.
it's just tat,
i got no confident in those answer.
i am just lost.
so tat's why.

finally after this period of time, i understand why,
why do i hold on to tat necklace.
why do i hold on to the photo?
nurse kelly, don't worry,
when the necklace drop i am not dead yet.

fate play a trick on me.
yes,
a big one.

i accept it.
i admit, totally defeat.



how i wish,
if only,
u were there with me.
if so,
nothing matter.
the feeling going stronger.
yes.


tonight,
going to stay in one cornor.
and have a good cry or good thinking

after this i will be better =)




i miss u.