well, 1st of all.
i am sorry janis.
i didn't mean things to turn out this way.
i am sorry to make u cry again.
i am sorry to let your tears drop again.
it's not i am fooling around.
but seriously, by the time u read this post,
u will be able to know why.
why i choose to end this r/s.
if u wan to say i am a jerk,
yes i am.

afternoon while going shopping with u.
i don't know why,
most of your action,
are just like her.
the way u talk,
the action u show,
the sa jiao way,
the way u kiss me.

i don't wan to treat u as a replacement.
that why jaslin keep on reminding me about it.
u're not.
seriously u're better than her,
in the sense of treating bf.
u're just too good for me.
but still i don't know why.
every gal i see now and then,
always have the shadow of her.

this is my karma.
it's the price to pay for loving someone so deeply in my life for the 1st time.
i need to learn,
i need time to forget about her,
as u say,
maybe she had forgetten about me.
maybe she got a new bf.
maybe she's having someone in mind right now.
maybe she's not coming back in my life.
no matter how much she hurt me.
no matter how many times she cheat me.
no matter how many times she lied to me.
it's still the fact that,
she's still somewhere in my heart.
no matter how hard i try.
no matter how much i wan to get a replacement or soemthing.
still,
it's hard to push her out of my heart.

it's not i never try,
yes i tried.
i told u before,
it took me 1 and half year to forget about keying,
who's with me for 3 years.
and at tat point of time,
i am still a kid?
it's puppy love maybe?
yet it took me so long to forget about her,
so wad do u think?
how much time i need to forget about wanlin?

yes,
sometime i hate,
sometime i regret,
for loving someone so deeply.
but still,
it's my choice to love her so deep in the 1st place.
i can't deny this fact.
tat why,
in the 1st place,
i didn't wan to get into r/s at all.
i am afraid u will get hurt in the end.
i don't wan any replacement.
i am already trying my best to push her out.
i am trying so hard le.
still it's useless.
all i need time.
and seriously u can get a better bf.
i am not your type of guy,

don't u find it strange?
i told u before,
i will always nag at my gf,
but can't u see i didn't nag at u at all?
i am not ready.
it's not easy to be in love with someone u will love so deeply
let alone forget about the one u love so deeply.
this message is for u, janis.
i don't wan to lie.
i don't wan to take u for granted,
no matter how she treat me before,
she's still somehow the past of me.
she got the only reason why i will love her so deeply.
it's not easy u know?
do u know while i am typing this post,
i am letting my tears to flow again?

no matter how much i don't wan,
how much i wan to forget about her,
how much i wan to push her out,
how much i wan to love someone else.
i can't.
i don't know.
i am foolish i guess.
it's going one month soon.
one month.
i told u before,
i may need 2 years to forget about her.
i still have 23 months to go.

well i know u've been asking me to ask her for patch.
but seriously i doubt it's impossible.
no matter how much i still miss her,
how much i still love her.
how much i wan the r/s back.

i don't have the confident.
i am not the same anymore.
maybe time,
time will heal everything in my heart.
time will mend my heart back to it.
i wan to forget her.
i really wan.

can anyone teach me how?


just go and find another good guy.
yes,
u can.
believe in yourself.
be more confident.
i know i am in no position to say this.
me myself i can't even do it yet i wan u to learn from it.

seriously somehow i hate myself to not to be able to forget about her,
yes u may delete all her photos.
but all of it still in my phone.
everynight,
somehow,
i will look at it.
although it's getting lesser and lesser but still.
human are creature who will need time to get rid of their habit and learn a new habit.
i am not the one u searching for.

we meet at the right place,
right situation,
right person,
right thinking,
but the wrong timing.

i am sorry.



sep to nov i got no time at all.
i need to revise for my final and going for my PDL.
after tat,
i need to choose a car before my dad leave singapore.
after tat,
i will use all my time and love on my car, study and family.
i am afraid to get hurt in r/s again.
after wanlin,
i will never love someone so deeply again.
i am selfish.
i find everything worthless after u love someone so deeply.

i will improve myself.
i won't be a jerk again.
i don't wan my next r/s to be so broken again.

remember, get yourself a better bf.
u can.
with the quailty u had.
any guy will fall in lvoe with u.
i am a adnormal one.
thanks for everything.

take care. =)